Thursday, September 28, 2017

Why avocado tastes like bacon and more from a 40 something survivor

Among other things, I've decided avocado tastes like bacon, hear me out people.  I looooooovvvvveeeee bacon, I mean serious love affair.  I eat bacon, real bacon, not that fake turkey bacon and ps, why should turkey EVER try to be bacon?  Bad plan.  Anyhow, I know I can't eat bacon all the time like I would like to.  I know avocado is good for me and one fine morning, I toasted my piece of wheat bread, spread on my avocado, added a little salt and pepper, bit into it.......y'all, I don't even know how it happened, I SWEAR it tastes like bacon to me.  I do have to close my eyes and think about it for a minute, but it's good, you should try it!

So, I'm two days away from my 43rd birthday.  That sounds REALLY old to me, I always think, how'd I get this old??  At the same time, I'm so thankful for age.  I remember shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I'd look at older women in their 70s/80s and I would envy them, a life well lived.  I wasn't sure I would ever get there myself, cancer really messes with your brain in every way possible.  I just wanted to be a grandma one day, who dreams about that??  I did and truth be told, I still do sometimes.  Although, I have to say, as a cancer survivor I think a lot of my filter has already disappeared anyhow.  I'm not quite the old lady who will say anything without a care in the world, but I'm not far from it either!

It's been 3 years since I celebrated my 40th birthday with a double mastectomy.  Gosh, I look back on pictures from that day and the days after and it's so surreal to me.  It's almost like I'm watching a movie of someone else's life.  I wonder how I had the strength and wisdom to feel so confident that everything would be ok, then I remember that I really didn't, I was scared to death but handed it over to God when I was too overwhelmed to think about it anymore.  I also wonder why in the word I took some of the selfies I did during that time and shared them on social media.....WOW.  Note to self, if you're ever on a morphine drip, you probably aren't using your best judgement (YES, that is an awesome pic, I'll put that on Facebook right now!)  This is my PSA, if you're on a morphine drip, hide your phone!

I remember getting diagnosed with cancer and thinking there was so much stuff I still wanted to do.  How had I wasted 39 years doing what I didn't really want to do?  How do any of us do that?  Truth is we all do it, but I'm still not sure why.  I guess we're all so arrogant that we think we have plenty of time.  Or, it's the 'it would take me years to write a book, finish college, etc."  This is a news flash to anyone who has that lofty goal of something you've always wanted to do but never could find the time to do it.  JUST START.  It's really simple.  So what if it takes you 3 years or 5 years to finish?  Because THE TIME WILL STILL PASS.  The only difference is, it will pass and you will have that goal completed, or you won't.  It's like losing weight, we all want to lose 20 lbs in 2 weeks when it took us 6 months to gain it.  Who cares if you only lose 1 lb/week by making small changes that are sustainable, in 5 months you'll be where you want to be.

I struggle every day with finding the balance of doing what I know I have to do and trying to find the time to do what I want to do.  And PS, I really AM writing that book, but it might take me years to finish and I'm ok with that :-)

It's probably time to re-evaluate some things in your life, relationships, goals.  Don't let those "suckers" in your life continue to suck the life out of you, there are some relationships that are meant to be set free.  You have to make a constant decision to surround yourself with joy, nobody else will do that for you.  Make plans, do things, share love, experience joy daily.  Tell a grandmother you long to be her one day.  Eat avocado and decide it's bacon.  Change one thing each week that you want to do different, or even one thing each month.  Time is finite, not endless, treat it that way.