I’m writing with a heavy heart tonight, as my Mamaw, that I
introduced many of you to a while back on her 100th birthday, is
about to be on her way to her heavenly home.
Of course, we’ve known this day was coming for some time, but as my mom
said, “It doesn’t matter how old you are and how old they are, you never want
to lose your mom.” She’s surrounded by
her children and medicated to try and make the transition easier, she’s been
quiet today. I’ve had a range of
emotions lately, memories from my childhood about growing up on her old farm,
sleeping upstairs with her handmade quilts piled on top of me and remembering stories my
mom told me about my mamaw’s childhood. She
grew up in Martin County, in rural Kentucky, the eastern coal field region. She had two brothers and six sisters,
growing up and working on the farm where her family raised tobacco, vegetables
and her Pa boarded horses. My mamaw was
quite the looker in her day and honestly is still a beautiful woman today. They had pie dinners back then in her small
country community where single girls baked a pie and the young men bid on the
pies just to get a chance to sit and eat pie with the girl. My mamaw said she always had plenty of
bidders on her pies J.
She married at 26 and went on to give birth to 10 children,
yup, I said TEN y’all. She has outlived
four of them, which is incomprehensible to me, to think of losing one of my
children, let alone four. She taught
herself to play guitar and played in the evening on the front porch of the old
farmhouse when my mom was growing up, singing Jesus Loves Me, Clementine and
other songs. She was a very hard worker,
raising her children on a farm and was a wonderful southern cook, her fried
chicken and biscuits were the best. She
was what we would call very “resourceful” in today’s world, which really meant
that she somehow fed all of her children with little to no money, living off of
the land. She has always been kind, loving and generous to us all. I asked her one time how in
the world she could have raised all those kids, when I felt overwhelmed with
just two. She said that at some point
the older ones started helping take care of the younger ones and they just
figured it out. My mamaw grew up in a
time where you didn’t give up, you didn’t expect somebody else to take care of
your family and times were very hard, but you made the best out of it. Without a doubt, that’s where I get my
resilience from.
She has always had an amazing, unshakeable faith in
God. I think it would be hard for most
people to have lived her life and still be so bold in their faith, but not my
Mamaw. I have no doubt that the gates of
heaven will be wide open to welcome her in, with her children meeting her at
the gate.
None of us know what really happens when we die. Sure, lots of folks have reported about their
near death experiences, but nobody really knows. When you’ve been diagnosed with a life
threatening disease, I think it’s only natural to think about dying. As a Christian though, I am comforted because
I have no doubt where I’ll be going and I know this life is only
temporary. Still, your mind wanders when
you think about it. For some reason the movie
from the ‘90s, “What Dreams May Come” with Robin Williams comes to mind. I do think of it that way, “A whole human
life is just a heartbeat here in heaven.” It’s a place where anything is
possible and you feel overwhelming joy that never ends. I had this conversation with a good friend
recently when I said, “I’m not afraid of dying, I’m only afraid of leaving.” My fear has always been leaving these sweet
baby girls, but never for me, not what I would miss out on, but what I feel THEY
would miss out on. I would never want
them to live the rest of their lives without a mommy, without having that
person who knows you like nobody else does.
When you’re 16 and you think the world is ending because your boyfriend
broke up with you, that one person who can hold your head in their lap, stroke
your hair, brush away your tears and tell you stories about when you were a
little girl and cried because we took your bunny/lovey away for good, all to just
get your mind off of the heartbreak you’re feeling at the moment. Then, that same one and only person who will
tell you stories about when she was a teenager and then follow up with
something like, “Who cares about some dumb boy, let’s go shopping, get our hair
done and eat ice cream!” Those are the
things I think of and don’t want them to miss out on, I so badly want to be here for all of that. I also feel pretty solid that I’m not going
anywhere anytime soon, but what I know is that I’ve been given a gift by seeing
life in this way that many folks never have the opportunity to see.
As I sit here tonight, praying for peace for my Mamaw and
our family during this difficult time, I can almost see the preparations that
are being made in heaven at this moment for such a bold, life-long servant of
God. I don’t know what happens when you
die, but I do absolutely know what happens when you LIVE. If you truly embrace your family, your
friends, your gifts, your struggles, your faith, I think that’s what happens
when you really live. To honor her best,
I’m celebrating all of those things today.
What an incredible blessing that we have all been given to have her with
us for 100 years. I feel like I won’t
need to wait for the phone call to know that she’s gone, I’ll simply have to
listen for the sound of an old guitar with the sweetest voice singing,
“Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.
Yes, Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.”
